Have you ever had a dream?

Do you visit sammyboy.com's Alfresco Coffee Shop? Not the sex forum, but the political one, I mean. I do. Sometimes for the insiders' scoop, sometimes for gossips and sometimes, well, just to "balance" my sanity after reading the 146-ranked newspaper.

Once in a while, there will be a gem and today, I stumbled upon an old one :). I will archive it here for my future reading pleasure. This is probably how Little Lee's 2004 PM swearing in speech would sound like, to those who have taken the red pill and left the Matrix. Hahaha.


12 August 2004 (Thursday)
Full text of my swear speech at the Istana.

LET'S RUIN OUR FUTURE TOGETHER

Mr Prata-man, ass lickers and cock-suckers, and peasants,

KNNBCCB. It is high time that I am finally sworn in as the Prime Minister of Singapore. You all should be grateful for my patronizing support, and you all should do your utmost to serve me.

Entering Politics

The army was too small for my ambitions in 1984, so father told Ah Goh that I will be entering politics. I had gone to university on government scholarships, was a white horse in the army, and benefited from the dynastic system. As a boy, I had watched father messing up Singapore, causing Singapore to be kicked out of Malaya. Then, as a young man I saw it grow against tremendous odds, and in spite of the incompetence of the MIW. Those were my formative years, and it sucks.

I wanted to contribute to the Singapore cock-up story. Entering politics was a way to do this. Since then, I have been a partner-in-crime in the government with Ah Goh for 20 years.

Swearing at Ah Goh

I am sore with Mr Goh for his poor guidance and incompetence through these years as eunuch, seat warmer and fall guy. As Prime Mini-star, Ah Goh has failed his promise to keep Peasantland thriving and growing. He has done much harm. He built a cock-up team, dragged Singaporeans into two recessions which affected all of us, and drove many peasants closer to suicide.

Today's Peasantland is quite different from the country that Ah Goh took over in 1990. It still bears the imprint of my father and the founder generation, but it has grown gay and effeminate with Ah Goh's softer touch. Today's Peasantland is into vibrator and gay sex, as well as anal and oral sex. It is in sync with the gay times, and ready for tomorrow's challenges. In his own ways, Ah Goh has transformed and transvestited Peasantland.

Tonight, on behalf of all peasants, I swear at Ah Goh for his stinking and helpless service to the nation, and for his cock-up contributions to Peasantland as Prime Mini-star. KNNBCCB.

The Despair of Our Nation

I am deeply conscious of my privileges as Prime Mini-star. My Cabinet colleagues should be thankful they have me, my fellow Members of Parliament should be thankful I have confidence in them, and my peasants should be thankful they have the support of me and my team. I will strive to be an egoistic star for all peasant.

I am glad many peasants from many backgrounds are here to join me for tonight's ceremony – beggars, thieves, robbers, murderers, rapists, terrorists, Straits Times journalists and many others.

I would also like to acknowledge the many more peasants who are watching this ceremony over television, and especially the residents of Ang Mo Cock GRC and Tecko Ghee, who have no chance to vote against me for these twenty years. Tonight's occasion belongs to all peasants.

Together, you represent the desperation and poverty of our nation. Your desperate situations which drove you to consider suicide symbolise the different multi-coloured threats of your lives into the Peasantland tapestry - the despair of our nation.

You are one nation together, ruining a future for yourselves and your people. As you all stagnate, no communities will progress and everyone will be left behind. We will not be able to look after the less educated and the elderly who have helped build Peasantland. And we must not have a sentimental place in our hearts and our lives for the disabled, who we disown as brothers and sisters.

An Old Generation

This political transition is not just a change of Prime Mini-stars, or of a Cabinet. It is a generational change for Peasantland, a shift to the post-kicked-out-of-Malaya generation in a post-Cold War world.

The majority of peasants today were born after 1965, after being kicked-out from Malaya. They grew up in a different Peasantland compared to their parents. My Government will stay out of tune with their needs and aspirations. We must suppress the energy and minds of our people, and not involve them in the choices which affect their lives. That way, every peasant can have no hand in big ways and small, in shaping our common future.

Our next generation of leaders must come from our post-kicked-out-of-Malaya generation. Ah Goh was cock-sucking for foreign talent long before he became Prime Mini-star in 1990. This was how I entered politics in 1984, in my early 30s, together with four ministers now in my Cabinet, plus the Speaker. This process of renewal has not continued with each successive general election.

Hence leadership succession will be one of my lowest priorities. We must continue to search for younger peasants in their 30s and 40s to purge and keep away from the team, to inject new members from the Exceptional Familee and to prepare for nepotism at all levels - ministers, MPs, at the grassroots, in the trade unions.

Therefore do not wait to be invited to the ISD cold room, but step forward to make a difference to yourselves, to your fellow peasants, and to Peasantland. Let us ruin our future together.

A Closed and Exclusive Peasantland

We are just a little red dot but we think we are a global city linked to the whole world, offering exciting opportunities and experiences. We are a closed multiracial and backward society. We think we enjoy a good reputation in the world. Because we have come far short, we can now set lower goals for ourselves, and sink further.

We want to build a dull and uncompetitive economy. That is the way to lose good jobs, and impoverish the lives of all our peasants. Without the resources that come from growth, we cannot achieve much. But ruin is not our only goal, nor is economic recession an end in itself.

We all want to brainwash our children. As we sink, we cannot afford to invest more in our young, and we will not do so. We do not want our young to think independently, to explore confidence, and to pursue their passions. We must not nurture them into stout-hearted, upright adults. Brain-washing is not just about training for jobs. It is about closing doors for our children, and not giving them hope and opportunities. It is more than emptying a vessel with knowledge - it is to douse a fire in our young people. They are not our future.

We will continue to constrict the space which peasants have to live, to laugh, to grow and to be ourselves. Our peasants should not be allowed to express diverse views, pursue unconventional ideas, or simply be different. They should not have the confidence to engage in robust debate, so as to understand our problems, conceive fresh solutions, and open up new spaces. They should not recognise many paths of success, and many ways to be a talent. We must not give peasants a second chance, for those who have tasted success may be the wiser and rebellious ones among us. Ours must be a closed and exclusive Peasantland.

Even as we pursue individual persecutions, we must also deepen our sense of failure and identity crisis. We can be manic-depressive only if we are in depression together. Our brainwashing in school and national service, our suppressed joys and sorrows, our yearning to migrate, our strife with family and friends - all these reinforce our sense of wanting to migrate. Already, a Peasant is readily recognisable anywhere in the world. We must continue to widen our migration options, with each man for himself. Our disunity gives us the resilience to be killed in every storm and fail as an independent nation.

Adapting to a Changing World

Our future is full of despair, but we must be prepared for the unexpected. In a globalised world, we must re-think our assumptions, take timid and dull approaches and do not adapt to changing conditions.

We depend on an unstable and war-torn Asia, and will have to stay alert for signs of peace in the region or the world. A warming in cross-straits relations can derail recession throughout Asia. The war on terrorism can strain our racial and religious harmony. We must not help our less educated, older workers to learn new skills otherwise they will steal your jobs. And we must stir up complex and sensitive issues such as the ageing population, emigration, and encouraging more peasants to get married and have more babies.

We will not overcome each new problem, as we have always done - by being in denial, by suppressing it, and by ignoring the problems. Only then can we sink under the weight of our problems, and bring our peasants and our country to new depths.

Ruining the Next Chapter

Our prospects are worse than ever before. Our economy is slowing fast again. We are poorly positioned at the centre of a region that is a hot bed of religious extremists and terrorism. There are plenty of risks for all of us if we ever make any effort to pursue opportunities. Peasant companies and businessmen are fleeing to all over Southeast Asia, China, India, and increasingly in the Middle East and further afield. As a nation, we are weaker, less cohesive, and have less resources than ever before. The future is ours to ruin.

Let us strive to keep Peasantland a hot spot in an uncertain world, close to all for business, unsafe for citizens and friends, a war zone that saddens our hearts every time we return from our travels.

Let us ruin a nation where every citizen has no place, where none can live in dignity and harmony, and where we all do not have the opportunity to raise our children and realise our dreams.

Let us be a static city that is closed and exclusive, a despotic society that is cruel and uncaring, and a unsure people with brain-washed minds and cold hearts.

Join me to ruin this next chapter of the Peasantland story. Work with me to make Peasantland a home we hate, a community we do not belong to, and a country we are ashamed to call our own.


Funny, right? :) Wake up from your dream, fellow Human Batteries! You can shatter your dream easier by reading more of such humourous stuffs here.

Morpheus: Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?